Entry 10- Why so inconsiderate?

Dear Journal,
There's a reason way I don't talk to anyone surrounding me. Its not me, its them. ALL OF THEM. They don't know what peace means when someone tells them. I never would've expected myself to get into this mess. Yes, I call all of them a mess. They would try to talk but only rarely. If they talked to me, I always try to end the conversation because of their enlarging ego. They talk too much even during class. I know its normal for students, but can't they see that I'm trying to listen. If they fail, they'll be crying why they didn't pass. I wouldn't pity for their sorry little asses. They f***ed up, and its their fault, not mine. If they need notes, I would give it to them but I'm not explaining anything to them. I would actually try to constantly remind myself not to teach them because I forget all the time or I don't have the guts to do it. Am I too kind for my own good? Am I making myself suffer through all of this? Why can't I understand them? Why do they have to be inconsiderate little bitches who doesn't have any care in the world? Sure, they may say that they have problems too and that they need to relax from them by talking to their seatmates, but didn't they think some people develop more problems from what they're doing? I didn't want to change my seat for the sake of my adviser's good. One day, I would literally explode at them and make them realize they're starting to get really annoying and inconsiderate. They might even cry because of this. Look, I may act calm and nice on the outside, but I'm pretty sure I'm a furious monster in the inside. If they want to go f*** with me, BRING. IT. ON. I wouldn't mind, really. Someone has to tell them anyway. People... the most inconsiderate, gullible, despicable, messed up living beings on this planet. Why can't they leave me alone? They wouldn't listen to the teacher until the teacher starts to cry, to get mad, or to shout. Why does it have to get to there? Teachers are already nice to all of us and then this is how you treat them? You, know-it-all people, don't know how to show a bit of respect. ,,/,, you all. People these days, never know hen they're gonna stab you right at the back. People can never see when people get hurt unless someone points it out to them. Nice people need bad people to correct, but if bad people over populate, nice people get eliminated until there is none left. I believed that there were no bad people in the world. They just needed motivation to be good. I'm constantly trying to be nice to them. I even cleaned the classroom because they were so messy. My classmates pass by but what did they do? They completely ignored me. I was the only one left in the classroom. I didn't have anyone to help me. I wonder when they would return the favor... I'm guessing... NEVER. They would just continually bring me down until the end of time. They will never understand me. No one will.

Entry 9- What I think...

Dear Journal,
                    The world is a cruel place. Everything I do, how I act, how I dress, EVERYTHING makes up who I am to people. One mistake and I'm hated. I try to be nice, help people, and even do them favors, and (I'm not kidding when I say...) when something goes wrong, the blame is on me. This is why I try to stay away from people. I know its part of life, but this keeps happening. Every time I do someone a favor, I don't benefit. I ALWAYS be the one getting hurt. You know what?! (I'm not mad at you, readers) I'm sick and tired of all of them. Why couldn't I do something where both the person and I benefit?Why does it have to be me getting in trouble? I can't do anything bad without getting caught. I RARELY do anything bad. Everything came at the wrong time. One thing I've never appreciated was how some people think after they found out I got blamed for what they caused. Either they ignore it or mouth out a quick "sorry"/give a peace sign and then act like nothing happened. They don't show any signs of guilt and regret. Its like you helped a stranger carry his stuff and at the end, you were stabbed at the back then realizing he was a criminal. It hurts to see people getting scolded for what they didn't do. If I know I didn't do anything wrong or do something for the wrong reasons, I wouldn't fight back and just remain silent for the meantime until the day comes where my emotions get the best of me and I let everything I've been keeping inside. Sometimes, the hard and mean way would be the best way. I couldn't think of a way to do it in an easy, calm, convenient and not mean manner.